Oh well golly gee it's been a month.
I just felt a sudden urge to blog.
Anyway, I was thinking about some things that I said earlier this week. I said that if I had the chance to go overseas to study now, I would. You know, I'll pack everything and just leave because you don't know how much I want to get out of here.
Haha well I've never really told anyone everything about how I feel, but I feel so sick here. Suffocated or something. I know everyone says " Go overseas and you'll miss singapore so much you'll be begging to come back. "
That's like the one thing that I'll take a chance with. So what if I friggin miss Singapore, I'll just come back then.
Walking around, I don't feel like I have anyone's respect. People look at me and say, oh who's this, you know what? She doesn't look really chinese, hmm, I wonder what's she's made up from, hey how come her name's so long? Hey, why do you have two middle names? Kilbride? Joan? I mean like where do you come from? Oh so you're like half chinese? You don't look chinese at all. Haha, if you don't mind me saying, you look like those maids? yeah, you kinda do.
I don't know why I'm so angry sometimes. I am so sick of this place, honestly, I just want to leave. And people just tell me, don't be stupid, you can't leave.
Do you, honestly, even know how much I want to get out of here? You don't. No one really gets me. I want to go somewhere where people don't ask my race, don't ask me why my skin's this or that colour, why I want to wear makeup, why I want to dress the way I do, why i'm so fucking fat like you all tell me.
Don't be crazy, you tell me, and I'm sure you're sick of me talking about NY but in my five days there, I felt so much more at home, more accepted and appreciated by even the strangers that I met on the street than I've even felt back here.
I love my friends here so much, I really do. So much.
But how come I don't feel like it's home anymore as compared to a cold hotel room far away in another place?
Love is smiling on the inside and out.
